"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
