my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
