omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
