after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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