u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
