New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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