Plan B is the new Plan A
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize