and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
