I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
