so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
