check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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