wake up i wanna do it froggy style
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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