We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
