i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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