i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
