You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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