He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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