worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
