imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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