so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
