Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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