My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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