Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
