I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
