no, he came in my armpit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
