sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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