Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
