we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize