So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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