I cannot find my penis.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
