I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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