This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
