I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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