what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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