I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
