Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
