So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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