Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
