Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
