Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
