I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
