Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
