trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
