when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
