I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
