He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
