Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
