i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone came in the potted fern
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm too high and old for this...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
