I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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