I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Me. At least after what I've been through.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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