Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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