I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
