did you get engaged???
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
