Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he thought i was a dude.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
