At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
