woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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