It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
