And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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