i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
