I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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