Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she pinky promised me she was 18
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize