My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
