those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize